Lee Trevino, a Joker but No Joke

Lee Trevino ad-libbed the funniest line I ever heard in golf. Where he did it and when are legend although I never have seen this reported anywhere, anytime. Thousands heard what he said, and now you will find out.

I was among the thousands.

The date was Sunday, June 20, 1971. This was the fourth but not “final” day of the U-S Open at what Sports Illustrated golf writer Dan Jenkins called “marvelous old Merion”, just outside Philadelphia. This was the famed course with the wicker baskets that Merion calls flagsticks. This was the course where Ben Hogan hit that one-iron on the 18th hole in 1950, and where, 20 years before that, Bobby Jones won to capture his famous Grand Slam, and, as an amateur, too.

Before the 1971 tournament, Lee observed: “There are 16 birdie holes here. But…there are 18 bogey holes. I’ll eat all the cactus around El Paso if anybody breaks 280.”

Nobody did. There is still plenty of cactus around El Paso. Both Trevino and Jack Nicklaus finished at exactly 280, which meant they had to face each other in an 18-hole playoff the next day, Monday. But that’s for later.

What about the ad-lib by Lee Trevino?

To get to the full measure of its verbal explosion, you have to recall what came before on that great Sunday. For one thing, the leader at the start of the day was a 21-year-old amateur, Jim Simons. He led Jack Nicklaus by two strokes at the start of the day.

Jack was two shots ahead of Lee. But Lee said that morning he thought he would win, just as he had won the U-S Open three years before at Oak Hill (Rochester, NY). “I’m playing fantastic”, said Trevino. “I’ve been playing super ever since Nicklaus told me in February that he hoped I never found out how good I really was. For the best player in the world to tell me that just filled me up with confidence, and I’ve almost won every tournament I’ve been in the last six weeks. I know I can win this thing.”

Nicklaus and Simons were the last pairing of the day, Trevino just ahead of them. As much as I liked Jack Nicklaus, something told me to keep my eyes on Lee.

Simons did what 21-year-old amateurs are supposed to do in a major: He quickly made two bogeys to draw everybody close. Nicklaus tied Simons when he sank a curling downhill 30-footer at the fourth hole.

But the next hole, Nicklaus double-bogeyed, hitting his tee shot into a creek.

Some say Trevino’s golf that day was the best he ever played. All he did, said Dan Jenkins, was split the center of the narrow fairways and rivet his irons close to the wicker baskets. When he birdied the 12th hole, he tied for the lead. He nearly made a deuce there “with more backspin on his approach shot than you can get in car wheels on a sandy road” (Jenkins).

When Trevino reached the 14th green, still tied with Nicklaus, he found himself with probably a 45-foot putt. I had a perfect spot in the gallary from which I could see the “break” (the hill) between Lee’s ball and the cup.

If there had been a pin to drop in the Merion rough as Trevino looked over the putt, I think you would have heard it, the gallery was that quiet, and respectful. Lee took a long time walking back and forth. Finally, he crouched behind the ball to check the line to the hole one last time. All eyes were focused on him; all mouths were shut.

In a slow, confidential but audible voice heard by everybody, he said: “I’d sure like to make you, honey!”

The gallery exploded. Surely the laughter could be heard in the group behind where Jack was playing with Simons, who, by the way, stayed competitive until his double-bogey on the last hole.

I recall that 14th green as though it was just today thinking THERE IS NO WAY HE CAN COMPOSE HIMSELF NOW AND SINK THAT PUTT. It was somewhat of a task for him to wait for the gallery to return to quiet.

The putt started up on that hill to his right and snaked downward into the hole. Birdie, and a one-shot lead.

The roar was louder than the laughter of the minute before.

For me, the rest was “anticlimactic”. Even the snake the next day. The rubber one, not a Trevino putt.

Because this is a Trevino story, I would be remiss not to add, here, for the record the additional Lee humor that day, and the next.

Some would say that Trevino choked on the 18th hole with that one-shot lead Sunday. Hardly. He was laughing on the 18th tee, teasing his caddie for forgetting to give him a club. “You choking already?” Lee asked him. The crowd roared. Grinning, Lee added: “You wanna give me something to fan this with?” The crowd roared again.

Lee hit a drive with a bit too much fade (that’s a slice for an amateur). His three-wood to the green was a bit too much club. His chip back from 70 feet was excellent, but stopped seven feet past. Had he made the seven-foot par putt, he would have won that day. But he had to back away from the ball when he became momentarily nettled, unlike his composure at the 14th green. As he was addressing his crucial putt, a kid fell off his perch near the clubhouse, breaking Lee’s concentration. Lee refused to blame anybody but himself. Surely, an hour before, on that 14th green, he proved to thousands he can crack a double-entendre and sink a putt in the same two minutes.

Missing the putt for a bogey, Lee still had his 280, the score he said nobody would beat.

Jack Nicklaus soon finished with the same score, and the Monday playoff (18 holes) was on.

I had to work the next day so I missed the playoff.

Dan Jenkins said the tension around the first tee on Monday was unbelievable. Nicklaus was sitting under a tree, his head down in apparent concentration when Trevino came out on the tee, smacking gum, rubbing his hands together, pacing, waving to the crowd. He reached into a side pocket of his golf bag, pulled out a three-foot-long toy snake and held it up. The crowd shrieked as Lee laughed and tossed it at a scrambling Nicklaus.

Said Jenkins: “Big Jack broke up laughing. So did the crowd. So did the world.”

Lee finished at 68 to Nicklaus’ 71. He was U-S Open champion for a second time.

He said: “I’m a lucky dog. You gotta be lucky to beat Jack Nicklaus because he is the greatest golfer who ever held a club.”

And in conclusion, you wanna know more about those times….back there in 1971? For winning, Trevino won $30,000; Nicklaus got second place money of $15,000. Somebody named Arnold Palmer won $1,500 and not many attaboys for the way he criticized Jack’s alleged slow play. They became best friends years later.

And one of Lee’s many “quotes” kept him in the limelight for decades after: “You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.”